It was 1997, at the conclusion of my sixth-grade year, when I received devastating news from my best friend Carole: her family was relocating to Jackson, Mississippi, due to her father’s work obligations. Our gleeful times together now would end, no more running around in the basement, or playing outside on the grass. No more school playground follies. No more watching her brother play on his Nintendo set. And no more competing on who could get a higher grade in class either. My honed art of letter writing was also in danger.

Being a kid from Queens, New York, the American South struck me as an alien country, so far off, thousands of miles away, a place I would never see in my lifetime. In the same way that a child views places as bigger than would an adult, so too did Mississippi seem as far off. Before she left, we exchanged addresses for writing pen pal letters to one another via standard mail. We still were strongly bonded, and we knew that hand-written letters were the only way we could keep our friendship alive. Long-distance phone calls were too expensive, and not an option.

I began seventh grade without her, and there was now a huge hole in my heart, that of loneliness. My pre-adolescent mind descended into deep depression, and I often thought of suicide. Only my letters with Carole gave me hope in life. Every week, a letter would come in the mail, my name and address written on the envelope in pink. I’d run to my room, rip it open quickly, but gently, making sure not to tear its precious contents. This was the only vein of happiness in my life.

Dear Neesa,

I had a good day today. My brother is a jerk! He spit on my shoes… Then there’s James, he’s really popular and all the girls like him, but he likes me! But I don’t like him… Annie, she won’t get off my back, she thinks I’m her best friend… We’re friends forever!

I read her words slowly, relishing in the stories that she retold of what it was like to go to school in Mississippi, as the only Asian-American kid in her entire neighborhood. Although she conveyed only moderate discomfort of her surroundings, I shared my difficulties in a darker tone:

Dear Carole,

I hate school. A lot of my classmates in the 7^th grade are meanies who tease me… I am in love with this guy named Allen, but he barely knows I exist. I’m too afraid to talk to him… I love playing my viola in my string orchestra at the Suzuki school. It’s so much fun! We’re performing Handel’s Concerto Grosso No. 6 in B minor, and also Mendelssohn’s Sinfonia IX…

I was very particular about the supplies I used in my writing. I always wrote with an aqua-colored pen, and I used stationery letter sets purchased from a local store called Morning Glory. They sold kawaii stuff from Japan and Korea, including Sanrio products. I found a website called Cute Things from Japan, which has items similar to what I used back when.

Adding Visual Impact to the Written Word

The stationery sets I used had cutesy designs with little cartoon characters, lined paper in pastel colors, and matching envelopes featuring the same characters. Many sets came with stickers also, which could be used to “seal” the envelope or adorn a letter. Using stationery sets turned letter writing into a ritual, where I could enjoy the aesthetic appearance of the letters I sent.

I saved all of Carole’s letters by putting them in a pink three-ringed binder, which matched the pink ink she always used. As the stack of letters grew thicker and thicker, I felt a certain pride. The letters represented the devoted friendship that she and I had together, and they contained lively stories and innermost feelings related to the tween experience. And as avid letter writers, Carole and I developed an eloquence far beyond our years, at least in comparison to our millennial peers.

In our digital age, we have forgotten how to physically wield the pen as a tool for conveying intimate feelings. In contrast to typing on a computer, physical writing is a slower process. It challenges the mind to think more slowly and mindfully, even eliciting a meditative state. Deep-seated feelings can arise from within, that which we yearn to share with the letter’s recipient. This is then channeled through the pen, with words carefully chosen.

Drawing on History for Inspiration

I personally find inspiration in the letters of various classical music composers, given that I myself am a violist. One famous correspondence was that between pianist Clara Schumann and composer Johannes Brahms. Although Clara is known merely as the wife of composer Robert Schumann, she was a musical titan herself. She toured across Europe as a virtuoso pianist, largely performing her husband’s works to increase his reputation.

The Schumanns befriended Brahms in 1853. Yet only four months later, Robert attempted suicide and was placed in an asylum. During this time, Brahms lived with Clara and fell in love with her. He wrote desperately in 1855:

I can do nothing but think of you… What have you done to me? Can’t you remove the spell you have cast over me?

Given Robert’s reported symptoms, including paranoia and a persistent audible tone he heard, it is assumed that he had schizophrenia. After his death in 1856, Clara and Brahms maintained a tender and loving relationship through letters for the remainder of their lives. They never wed, and it is unknown if they ever acted on their passions. They were concerned about maintaining and keeping their correspondence a secret, perhaps because they still upheld the memory of Robert, or else because Clara was 14 years older than Brahms. In 1858, she concluded a letter to Brahms thus:

I am waiting for another letter, my Johannes. If only I could find longing as sweet as you do. It only gives me pain and fills my heart with unspeakable woe. Farewell! Think kindly of Your Clara…

Write me as often as you can. One requires to be cheerful during a cure and whence would good cheer come to me if not from you?

In the 21^st century, if we were to copy this style of almost poetic writing in our correspondences, we might find ourselves feeling stunted and unnaturally formal. Yet I myself write in this manner, much due to my extensive experience with the letters I wrote to Carole. That endeavor led to my writing in journals avidly in high school, a habit that I still keep up today. Journaling is sadly another lost art.

Yet eloquence in casual correspondence is achievable for anyone. It requires introspection, where we listen to ourselves, our inner-most feelings and opinions, uninterrupted by the influence of others. When we feel our individuality, coursing through our bodies, we then can attempt to uniquely and poetically express the feeling, using words that are unique and fresh.

I have regrettably abandoned letter-writing these days, simply due to having an over-packed schedule. Yet if I were to pick it up again, I’d like to set myself up with some fun items. My high-tech, multitasking side loves this little inkless pen called the ForeverPen. It looks like a little bullet and you can loop it onto a keychain. I tend to be in a rush all the time, and I lose things all the time. Having a pen with my keys is appealing, especially because I often have ideas to write down in the moment. 

Rediscover the Lost Art of Letter Writing

If you have an old-fashioned streak, writing with a fountain pen can be a lot of fun. Etsy is a great place to find a pen that best suits your personality. Modern pens generally utilize ink cartridges that can be easily replaced.

Vintage lever-fill fountain pens are even more fun! They require the use of an inkwell or a little jar of ink. You dip the pen’s tip into the ink, and you extend out a metal lever that is on the side of the pen. The pen sucks in ink, allowing you to write for a while before a refill is needed. The benefit of a lever-fill pen is that you can choose to use an interesting color for your pen.

One challenge of letter writing perhaps is actually finding people to write letters with. Pen pal websites can connect you with folks around the world who also want to write via snail mail. I myself have had excellent experiences with using Interpals and Postcrossing to exchange postcards.

Yet given the pandemic, we could feasibly revive letter writing even with our standard friends. Social media is not enough to keep us from feeling lonely. Zoom is used for school and jobs, and it doesn’t feel recreational. And our eyes are positively tired from looking at screens all day.

The magic of letter writing is found in the challenge it presents: writing from the heart. It is a contemplative practice, where the letter writer travels on a journey as the letter is written. And the recipient of the letter travels that same journey as they read the letter. This is what makes letters such an intimate expression.

Let it reign in the 21^st century!

When was the last time you hand-wrote a letter to a friend? Let us know if you still practice the art of letter writing!